'I was totally knocked sideways': readers share their stories of divorce

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'I was totally knocked sideways': readers share their stories of divorce

We asked you to share your divorce stories – the sad moments, the surprises, and even the spots of levity. Here’s how you responded.

"While I was totally knocked sideways by my husband’s unexpected departure, I came to realise that the situation presented an opportunity for me to focus on me and my own dreams. I moved back to Ireland from the UK, opened my chocolate business here, bought a house in the country, and I’ve never been happier … All my dramas are my own, not his. All my successes are my own, not his. All my happiness is my own, not his. My divorce has allowed me to arrive in my own life – and stay here comfortably with a smile on my face and a sense of gratefulness for my health, my happiness and my dream. "—Enda, 45, Ireland

"We mailed out a ‘divorce announcement’ card. The cover read, ‘To let you know that we have a new life apart …’ The picture was of two ships, one named ‘me’, the other ‘you’, traveling in different directions with a breaching whale between the two. The back of the card read, ‘What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.’ Reception to the card was mixed." —Theresa, 58, United States

"I met my ex 13 years ago, on the school ski trip. He was charming and cool, jealous and manipulative, and we had a turbulent few years, as typical teenage relationships do. We split a couple of times throughout university, but ended up graduating together. Seven years of co-habitating, a change of cities, several changes of jobs, and our first owned home later, he proposed. We’d been through good and bad times; no disillusionment here. We didn’t have a romantic notion of love. We’d discussed our future and hopes for the ‘good life’ and family. Six months after our wedding, the problems started. From highly stressful times at work, to being away from a big city and friends – reality seemed too much for him. He shrank away from the marriage; whilst citing other issues, he also blamed a lot of his unhappiness on our relationship. He no longer wanted to spend time in it or with me. I wanted more than I ever had, too; to be the ‘right’ type of married couple that I thought married people should be, despite that not reflecting our prior 12 happy years. I fought for as long as I could and tried to be the ‘patient wife’ and uphold those vows we’d taken. But I told him to leave if he didn’t love me. He did. "—Anonymous, United Kingdom

"The moment I told my husband I was gay, I thought I would break. ‘I kissed a woman,’ I said. ‘And I think I might be bisexual, maybe even gay.’ I had added in the ‘I think I might be’ to soften the blow. I had known within seconds of the kiss that my life had changed forever. I loved my husband. But in that fleeting moment I felt a desire I had never before experienced. This is how it’s MEANT to feel … This is it. This is who I am. "—Anonymous, 35, Australia

"This might seem like a strange thing to say, but it’s the ‘admin’ side of things you don’t tend to think about when big life changes happen. Telling people about what’s happened is admin. Dealing with estate agents and looking for a job; it’s all admin. It was hard, saying the same things over and over again, explaining myself so that everybody could understand (or said they did) and then they could follow the sympathy script and tell me to call them if I needed anything. For a very long time, every conversation I had was exactly the same, and I felt as though I was being constantly tiptoed around. I’d have quite liked it if somebody had just told me a joke." —Nina, 39, United Kingdom

"One day, he came to me and said he wanted to have an open relationship. We’d been in a monogamous relationship for 11 years. I tried to understand, tried to support him, but this was bigger than me. We tried to cope for six months; I stayed, I waited, I listened. He changed his mind every other day, until I couldn’t bear it any more. I lost my partner, my lover, my best friend. But I remained true to myself. I envy the couples that are able to remain together through the storms. But both need to feel they want to stay. For a very long time, it felt as if I’d failed. Now, I’ve come to the realization that love is not always enough, and that getting a divorce is not a failure. "—Anonymous, 44, Colombia

"I got divorced earlier this year after two years of marriage. For me, it came really out of the blue. My husband came home one night and told me that he had fallen in love with someone else; when I asked him if our marriage was over, he said, ‘Yes.’ And that was it. My parents came and picked me up and took me home. He moved in with her one week later. Finding out he had been unfaithful was a very surreal moment. He was the last person you’d expect to do that, and it sent shockwaves through our family and social circles. He’s still with the woman he had an affair with, and according to a friend, they’ve just bought a house together. I’m glad that it’s working out – I wouldn’t want him to have left for a fling." —Anonymous, 28, United Kingdom

Source:https://www.theguardian.com/life ... -stories-of-divorce