Freedom in Light and Shadow: My Spiritual Journey in the Second Home

jiejing

Freedom in Light and Shadow: My Spiritual Journey in the Second Home of Lifechanyuan

Jiejing Celestial

August 16, 2025

（Edited by ChatGPT)

Rain fell on the mango tree leaves, pattering softly, like the sentences in an old diary tapping on my heart. I remembered that afternoon four years ago, when a man who once said, “You’re such a whore,” almost strangled me. Fear, anger, and helplessness intertwined, and gray mud clung to my heart like a tide that could not recede. In that moment, I truly realized that this fear and humiliation were not accidental, but part of the social structure. The so-called “sanctity of marriage” is often used in practice as a tool to control women (Foucault, 1978; Firestone, 1970), and men’s desire for control stems not only from personal inclination but is deeply rooted in the hegemonic masculinity cultivated through socialization, which demands that men control resources and partners (Connell, 1995). Within this patriarchal framework, a woman’s economic independence and sexual autonomy are often seen as potential threats to male privilege (Millett, 1970; Connell, 1995).

I have met some divorced female friends who, in seeking new partners, often faced disappointment; if they were not virgins, they would be subjected to disdain and shame. In cafés, we spoke in hushed tones, the gentle clinking of cups sounding as if the world itself was reminding me: the notion of “female purity” is merely a standard set by men. Every gaze, every word, felt like a sharp blade, reminding us that the freedom to choose had become a luxury. Psychological research shows that such socialized oppression gradually erodes self-esteem, causing women to question whether they are worthy of love (Deci & Ryan, 2000).

When I was living in the mango orchard of Lifechanyuan International Family Society Thailand Branch, sunlight streamed through the mango leaves, scattering into the courtyard like a painting of light and shadow. A gentle breeze carried a faint floral fragrance across my face, and I felt an unprecedented sense of lightness and freedom.

Here, two important values are upheld: “Heaven and Earth reversed, with female Chanyuan Celestials as honored” and “Freedom in Emotional Love and Sexual Love.” There are neither traditional marriage and family structures nor fixed one-to-one romantic or sexual relationships. Everyone has the right to make or to decline a sexual request, and men must respect women’s wishes, accept rejection, and never cause harm to women. If any member causes physical, emotional, or spiritual harm to another, that member will be expelled from the Second Home.

Psychological research shows that this embodies a “mutual secure attachment environment” (Bowlby, 1969): in such an environment, men’s respectful behaviors are reinforced, while women’s sense of freedom and security is activated. Through my own experience, I came to realize deeply that a secure attachment environment not only allows women to grow freely, but also teaches men to cultivate genuine care and respect.

The Second Home stood in stark contrast to my past life. In worldly marriage, my desires and choices were tightly bound; I had to cater to my husband, even to the point of yielding physically to acts I did not want. My self-respect, like flower petals eroded by a fine rain, gradually withered, and I began to doubt whether I was worthy of love. But in the Second Home, I learned to listen to the quiet whispers of my own heart, and also to protect myself while giving love, so that my soul would not be wounded.

I remember the first time I took a walk in the courtyard with a male Chanyuan Celestial. He looked at me, and in his eyes there was no judgment or belittling—only gentle care: “Your smile is as bright as spring; I hope you are happy.” My heart rippled like a sunlit lake. That warmth brought me back to memories of my past marriage—where even the smallest joys were always overshadowed by fear, tension, and helplessness. In a safe and equal environment, men’s capacity for empathy and respect can be naturally expressed (Eagly, 2009); whereas in my past marriage, my ex-husband’s anxiety, need for control, and deeply ingrained socialized biases left me unable to truly feel loved.

During my two years of living in Lifechanyuan International Family Society Thailand Branch, I transformed from a “lowly woman” humiliated by my ex-husband and stripped of self-respect into a woman who loves and respects herself, lives independently, and knows she is worthy of respect. Once burdened with illnesses and physical heaviness caused by work and marital pressures, I have now naturally slimmed from 95kg back to the youthful figure of 60kg I had fourteen years ago, and my body grows healthier with each passing day. Yet more importantly, my soul has begun to feel as light as the wind. I have come to realize that true sanctity and purity do not lie in external judgment or in past experiences, but in whether my soul is free and my will is respected.

I saw the other female Chanyuan Celestials in the Thailand Branch blossom like petals in the morning light. They no longer bowed their heads under the weight of past labels, nor did they bind themselves with the prejudice of men. We danced in the sunlight, our songs flowing through the air, encouraging one another. Every breath, every smile was like a whisper to ourselves: I am worthy of love. I am worthy of respect. I can freely choose my own life. In this interaction, the male Chanyuan Celestials learned care and respect, while the female Chanyuan Celestials, in such a time, felt nourished by love, freedom, and safety.

If someone were to scornfully call the Second Home “debauched,” I would only smile calmly: true debauchery is harm, humiliation, and control; true freedom is the ability to remain independent even in loving and being loved; true purity is the flow of inner freedom, mutual respect, and a sense of safety.

Sunlight filters through the mango leaves, shadows dancing upon the ground; a gentle breeze brushes past, carrying with it fragrance and warmth. I stretch out my hand to feel the respect and tenderness of the world, and my heart shines bright—that light is self-respect, self-love, freedom, and the glow of authentic love.

I am grateful for the compassionate light of the Greatest Creator, for the wisdom and guidance of Guide Xuefeng, and above all for the Second Home of Lifechanyuan, which has given me courage, dignity, and freedom.

Here, light and shadow, wind and fragrance, respect and love weave together into a vivid tapestry—my journey from darkness into freedom and brightness, the blossoming of a warm flower in the deepest part of my soul.